day 266

the carpet

like every awards show, the teen choice awards have a pre-show red carpet (though, in this years case, it was a green/astroturf carpet). i don't really understand the point because the show is pre-taped and no one really does a full-on special about the "ev

ent." if it weren't for the blogosphere and celeb news shows, no one would even know who wore what; and, from what i saw today of the green carpet, there weren't even proper press stations - just guard rails and reporters leaning over them. overall, it was just an excuse for obsessive tweenagers (therefore, people not even old enough to vote for the awards) screaming at the cast of twilight. britney spears was one of the first celebs to hit the carpet; while it was originally reported that spears would be performing at the show, that statement was retracted soon after. seems like someone who was in charge of tv ads was mistaken; britney was only appearing to collect the award for "ultimate choice," which i can only assume is the teen choice equivalent to a "lifetime achievement award?" because, let's face it, once you're within 5 years of 30, you're basically dead.

i am so glad we're passed the pink wig, crazy with a bat days. but, like many other stars (namely miley cyrus) i really want to know what length britney spears' hair actually is. is there nothing you can do with the hair that has actually sprung out of your hair that will look good? really, nothing? because i'm sure it would look better than extensions. the next big "star" to hit the carpet was robert pattinson, flanked by the two less famous actors who play his brothers in the twilight saga (i really hate the use of the word saga in relation to this series - it dramatizes it too much). kellan lutz is the only one who looks like he bothered to bathe for this public outing. and none of them look happy to be there. what...a surprise. who wouldn't want to go to a teen awards show and be hounded for playing a fictional character?amanda bynes continued the "i'm too old to have hair this long trend" that miley cyrus started by showing up looking like this.

why? amanda, i'm going to go out on a limb and say that the reason your career might not be roaring right now is this look. take out the extensions; the only girl who is rocking this exact look right now is lindsay lohan and do you really want to be compared to that? i would also recommend you put the bottle of peroxide down and step away...slowly. please return to your what i like about you look. in another shocking turn (except this one actually kind of was), zac efron and vanessa hudgens arrived to the show separately and did no press together. the couple did manage to get seated next to each other inside, though, so they're keeping up appearances. another couple making appearances was kathy griffin and levi johnson. yes, bristol palin baby daddy levi johnson. only kathy griffin would nab him as a date.

here's the twitpic kathy sent out with the message "there's a new love in my life. age is just a number people." if only we could have known what was going through levi's head the whole night. probably something like this: ohgeegosh i can't believes i'm at a real highclasslike event. too bad it was only the teen choice awards. and, finally, the biggest hot mess of the carpet came from kristen stewart. are we surprised? the girl is always walking some thin line. kristen showed up in a a skirt completely covered in spikes. because they're classy and go with everything.

and, like always, kristen made sure to pull out her signature pose. the eyes-glazed-over-shoulder slouch. it's a classic. while kristen and the rest of the twilight cast didn't really break any big news on the turf carpet, director catherine hardwicke did. hardwicke got her chance to chime in on the recent firing of rachelle lefevre. turns out hardwicke's original vision for the character of victoria was recast bryce dallas howard. but, when offered the part originally, howard considered the role too small. did she not realize that there were more films in the series and potential for growth? hmm. something sounds fishy here. oh yeah, and then kim kardashian came out last minute as a blonde. way to shock your public, kim.

personally, i think she's trying to rip off giuliana depandi-rancic (host of e!news)'s look.

the show

i have one major problem with these fan-vote awards shows - and its mainly because we live in the internet age. unlike in the original days of the people's choice awards, voters can vote on continuous loops, flooding the awards shows with false results. does it never seem weird to the people putting together to the shows that they get hundreds of millions of votes yet only a small amount (anywhere from 3-20 million) people actually tune in for the show? just a thought. that's why i never know how much of an honor it is to receive these awards. should the recipients be thanking all the fans or just user twilightlvr24 who sat at her computer for hours on end clicking the submit button and racking up her at&t bill by texting her votes every 4 seconds? if only there were a way to guarantee only one-time votes and no repeats. like sending out ballots to every teen in the us to fill out and send back in. too bad there's no way to police that either. anyway, on to the shows performances and such. so the jonai are hosting and...i can only expect a hotmess. the opening sketch is based on political humor and, well, that should really just be left to saturday night live. the ending "it's time for the teen choice awards!" was an obvious rip off of the "it's saturday night!" catch phrase. and is it just me or was the "featuring" opening credits number the longest one in the history of the world? the should have just said "we brought everyone from disney and the cw here...oh and twilight! let's get it started." the jobros followed up their attempt at comedy with a performance. i think it's time to retire the jabs at every single girl you've ever dated joe. really. i'd say taylor swift has way more career longevity than you (again, it's going to be creepy when a bunch of 20somethings are singing about high school drama one day) and who gives anything about camilla belle?

i'd also really appreciate if joe jonas learned to play an instrument other than the tambourine or triangle. just saying. another thing i hate about the teen choice awards (by the time you're done reading this, you're probably going to want to scream at me something like "why did you even watch!?" just live with my decision now and everything will be a lot easier) is that they don't hand out every single award. they ambush the presenters with announcements that they've won an award; it's like "oh, you're not cool enough to get official time to give a speech. sorry." first award: choice drama actor and actress. was there not a limit on the amount of nominees? geez, another list that goes on and on. out of the choices though, chace crawford and leighton meester do make sense as winners. okay, first official list.

choice comedian: george lopez

choice actor, drama: chace crawford

choice actress, drama: leighton meester

choice tv show, drama: gossip girl

and the night's first twitter joke(s) have been made. involving the cast of icarly. involving twitter in the show is a smart idea but, really? a whole award based around it? and why were all the awards based on twitpics?

choice twit: ellen degeneres

what a shock. the teen choice awards aren't great at keeping who-wins-what secret on two accounts. 1) everyone can find out the night before and 2) they only invite the people who win to the show. i do love ellen degeneres though; the fact that she films everything for her show from her perspective is a great idea. don't know if her "buy you beer" joke was sending the right message at the teen choice awards ... "dare the jonas brothers." this cannot be good. and why is teen choice still using myspace? why didn't they do this through twitter? or facebook? wow, these dares are crazy. not.

choice dance movie: high school musical 3

choice movie actor, comedy: zac efron

choice movie actor, musicor dance: zac efron

choice movie, rock star moment: zac efron

what a sweet little disney/hsm reunion on stage. i'm sure it wasn't planned at all. i'd also like to state for the record that i'm not sure "music" or "dance" are really genres. there are musicals and there are dance-themed movies, but they're generally classified as dramas/love stories/ etc ... i wish the glee cast had performed instead of sean kingston. it would have been much better cross promotion and not the chris brown rip-off we all got to witness. the audience members sean included in his act just seemed confused as to why they were being forced into a box and made to twirl t-shirts around. overall score: lame. now onto the first jobro dare: "joe i dare you to get all of your hair cut off on stage." well a buzz cut would make him more distinguishable from his brothers. but, i can't tell if he actually went through with the cut or was he wearing a hairpiece? the whole bit was obviously staged. i guess we'll find out later in the show. onto more awards...

choice actress, tv action adventure: hayden panetierre

choice activist: hayden panetierre

choice movie fresh face, male: taylor lautner

choice movie fresh face, female: ashley green

ashley green's fresh face award was accompanied online by some fresh nudie pics. yep, ashley pulled a vanessa hudgens and some not so safe for work pics were leaked to the blogs. this begins what can only be the slew of awards twilight will rack up tonight. is taylor lautner really up for this award? hello,did we forget sharkboy and lava girl?

choice tv sidekick: emily osment

choice summer movie, action/adventure: harry potter and the half blood prince

choice summer movie, comedy: up

romance: the proposal

choice summer movie star: shia labeouf

choice break out tv star, female: demi lovato

choice break out star, male: frankie jonas

okay, a bunch of awards at one time. and they're some of the bigger ones. out of this list, the biggest star they could get was really frankie jonas? what? his two lines on that gem of a show jonas were really worthy of being a "break out?" okay, teens ... was anyone else creeped out by ed westwick's british accent. it's weird hearing that, especially when he was saying weird things about kristen bell.

choice tv, action/adventure series: heroes

choice tv villian: ed westwick

choice summer movie, drama: my sister's keeper

so drama garnered an actual award moment, but not action/adventure or comedy? probably because they could actually guarantee getting abigail breslin to the awards. cameron diaz is a definite bonus though. an actual a-list star at the awards! too bad the movie didn't do so hot at the box office.

choice summer tv star, male: daren kagasoff (secret life)

choice music single: "the climb," miley cyrus

choice hissy fit: hannah montana the movie

choice movie actress, music and dace: miley cyrus

choice tv actress, comedy: miley cyrus

choice tv show, comedy: hannah montana

choice song of the summer: "before the storm," jonas brothers ft. miley cyrus

let's just honor miley with a 10 minute diatribe. and top it off with a performance of "party in the usa." i'm going to go out on a limb and say these outfit choices were just a tinge inappropriate for a disney star. shouldn't she have worn outfits from her new walmart line? the song is just a promotional tool for the line. but, i guess she's just being miley. wouldn't it have been awesome if britney spears actually came out when miley switched it up and said "and a britney song was on" instead of a "jay-z song?" that would have made this good. now, let's have a little public service announcement here. parents, keep your kids away from the ice cream truck this summer because they might decide to become an ice cream stripper, like miley did in this performance. just saying. here's a rough version of the performance:

was it really necessary to end the performance with an acceptance speech. those awards aren't exactly cut-and-paste speeches. they're all for different things! the teen choice awards are no place for religion, especially after that kind of performance ... i'm glad to see alexis bledel was dusted off and brought out. she's one of my favorite under-appreciated teen actresses alongside emma roberts.

choice summer tv star, female: selena gomez

choice summer tv show: princess protection program

red carpet fashion icon, female: selena gomez

okay, i'm all for selena picking up these awards. but for the princess protection program, really? we all know that movie was one of the worst things put out by disney in a long, long time. she could have taken home the surfboard for wizards of waverly place. at least that show has some actual comedy in it. the interesting thing about kid sitcoms is that they're almost completely staffed by former network sitcom writers. the networks got rid of sitcoms, but cable didn't. so, therefore they're pretty well written. though they teach kids to be overly sassy. yes, i'm looking at you hannah montana.

choice hottie, male: robert pattinson

choice hottie, female: megan fox

choice summer movie star, female: megan fox

choice movie actor, drama: robert pattinson

i feel like robert pattinson was very confused about his award and megan fox was very ungrateful, so the usual ... dare #2. the first "hair cut" was a total fake-out. therefore this bit is pointless and i don't really feel like paying attention. this time, kevin was dared to get a tattoo and a blonde kat von d was there to do the duty. i'm sure it's just a temporary one. i don't think momma and daddy jonas would allow real ones ... i'm glad we all got a moment away from the jonai with the black eyed peas performance of "i got a feeling." this has definitely become one of the songs of the summer, hence its nomination. i think the bep's should also win the award for most creative use of surfboards, no? it was a nice tongue-in-cheek moment. they know they're there for entertainment and aren't trying to make it seem like these awards mean anything. the teen choice awards are just a lesser version of the people's choice and a more adult version (but basically the same thing) as the kids choice awards. the sound was a bit off during the performance, but that's not their fault. perez hilton probably tampered with the sound system. i always feel bad for the clean-up crews of these shows; one artist always thinks it's a good idea to pour confetti from the ceiling and make a big mess.

choice rap/hip-hop track: black eyes peas

i have no clue what song this was for, because the show didn't specify. but i'm guessing it's for "boom boom pow." and props to will.i.am. for his autotune comment. good thing kanye wasn't present.

choice movie actress, action/adventure: jordana brewster

choice movie actor, action/adventure: hugh jackman

choice movie, action/adventure: x-men origins: wolverine

kevin's tattoo revealed the winner of the action/adventure actor, which was - surprise, surprise - hugh jackman. he was the only nominee in attendance. this "dare the jonas brothers" is a big joke and should have been eliminated from the telecast. to be truthful, the jonas brothers should have been eliminated from the telecast. the teen choice awards are one show that doesn't really need a host. just have the presenters do it. there's a ton of talent out there that you don't have to pay a hosting fee! duh. the celebrity dares that america's next top model's miss j collected were better than the ones submitted by fans. dare #3 is for nick and it is "hug as many fans as he can." how outrageous. if nick had a phobia of touching people or was a germaphone, then this would be great. but, otherwise, this is one of the stupidest things ever broadcast on television. then again, i'm in my last year as a teen and i'm not a girl, so maybe i'm losing touch. something tells me i'm not though. kim kardashian was in the line of fans for no reason other than to put kim kardashian there. at least the audience didn't notice her because of her blonde locks, so that added some fun.

now it's the ultimate choice award. miley cyrus take that nose ring out of your nose! unless you're singing "what if god was one of us" and this is 1995, that is not okay. you're trying too hard. it was fun to hear b spears was the first person to step foot on the teen choice stage, but that was about it. miley's intro was unnecessary other than the "we want people to compare miley and britney and have a passing of the pop queen torch" moment the awards were trying to create. the footage of past awards just made me think "oh, poor freddie prinze jr, why haven't you worked in 10 years?" here's a rough copy of britney's acceptance speech

ultimate choice: britney spears

was it just me or did it seem like britney didn't even realize miley was presenting her the award? it was like she grabbed it from her and forgot she was there. to britney's credit, she might not even know who miley is. we don't know how severe that conservatorship is. plus, britney gave the shortest acceptance speech on record. she ran out of there like there was a sale on red bull and cheetos and she wanted to beat miley to it.

choice r&b artist: beyonce

choice rock act: paramore

choice male artist: jason mraz

choice female artist: taylor swift

choice breakout artist: david archuleta

choice fab-u-lous: miss j

this "choice fab-u-lous" seems like it was just a chance to honor a gay guy. really, teen choice, come out and say it. and what a shocker that miss j won. who ever would have thought? of course miss j pointed out the fact by dedicating his award to the lgbtq community. way to stick it to them, j ... and here's the twilight frenzy: a total 0f 11 awards.

choice movie, drama: twilight

choice music, soundtrack: twilight

choice movie lip-lock: kristen stewart and robert pattinson

choice movie actress, drama: kristen stewart

choice movie villiam: cam gigandet

choice moive rumble: robert pattinson v cam gigandet

choice movie romance: roebrt pattinson and kristen stewart

these awards are added onto the ones already listed above. obviously the twilight team learned to not let kristen stewart accept after her crazy performance at the mtv movie awards. again, robert pattinson was forced to talk and it was awkward. my favorite part was when this acceptance speech was over and the camera literally panned to a bunch of girls getting up and leaving the show. awesome. that must mean we are headed into the final part of the show! yay! i don't know how people could have watched this without a dvr. and here's the part where we honor the jonas brothers, of course.

choice female athlete: shawn johnson

choice tv, breakout show: jonas

choice tv actor, comedy: the jonas brothers

choice red carpet fashion icon: the jonas brothers

choice music album, group: lines vines and trying times

the athlete award was just randomly included with this package. there really is no rhyme or reason the the teen choice awards. we end the show with another jonas brothers performance and i'm fast forwarding through it - i'd prefer to go to bed without a headache. plus they're singing a song about "world war 3."

and, with no official send off, the show is over. what a whirlwind. overall, i'd say the teen choice awards were just eh. but what are we to expect? if you've somehow miraculously made it through this whole post, kudos to you. leave a comment telling me what you think - did you like this or was it just annoying? would you want me to try and do this (maybe not as in depth) for all awards shows?